How do you know when you have had too much to drink?

So we met one of our local "urban outdoors men" the other night at a very convenient 2am. Our outdoors man was found to be under the influence of alcohol. I was surprised as well. Being the consummate professionals that we are, we initiate a thorough assessment. And as we are performing a mostly rhetorical interview with our pt, we notice there is a quarter in his right ear. So I ask our patient if he knows that there is a quarter in his ear. I assumed this was an appropriate question for this gentleman. He opens his eyes and looks at me like I have second head. He slurs at me the quarter is to indicate when he has had too much to drink. Obviously being new to this procedure I ask for more information and he was nice enough to enlighten us. The quarter in the ear remains until the wearer's gait becomes so unsteady or rapid contact with Terra firma, the quarter falls out indicating terminal intoxication. Now this is where the details are a little fuzzy. I was unable to learn if the indication is the sudden absence of the coin or the sound of the quarter hitting the ground. Or if the wearer has reached this level of intoxication, how are they supposed to hear or notice the quarter? And if you only have a quarter in one ear, what happens when you fall on the other side? Apparently this procedure was in the experimental phase and our researcher did not have the quantitative results at time of print.

Halloween 2009

So at about 230 in the morning last night during the full moon, we get dispatched to a motor vehicle accident. As we approach we find 2 trucks with severe damage from an apparent high speed head on collision. We arrive and make our way over to the truck with the most damage and find a female driver with a broken femur unconscious behind the wheel. The engine crew is talking to a beligerent guy from the other vehicle. We extricate the female patient from her truck. She goes with the first ambulance to the truama center. As the engine backboards the male driver, he goes unconscious. So he obviously also goes to the local trauma center. As we pick up the scene we notice a few odd items in the street. The first arriving private ambulance has left all their backboard, airway and oxygen equipment on scene. The police officers are talking about both drivers are likely drunk drivers. (Which is unique that they hit eachother instead an innocent family)And the last item strangely noticable in the middle of the scene? A squished dead black cat that was involved in the collision. Halloween, full moon and a black cat? You just can't make this up.