How do you know when you have had too much to drink?

So we met one of our local "urban outdoors men" the other night at a very convenient 2am. Our outdoors man was found to be under the influence of alcohol. I was surprised as well. Being the consummate professionals that we are, we initiate a thorough assessment. And as we are performing a mostly rhetorical interview with our pt, we notice there is a quarter in his right ear. So I ask our patient if he knows that there is a quarter in his ear. I assumed this was an appropriate question for this gentleman. He opens his eyes and looks at me like I have second head. He slurs at me the quarter is to indicate when he has had too much to drink. Obviously being new to this procedure I ask for more information and he was nice enough to enlighten us. The quarter in the ear remains until the wearer's gait becomes so unsteady or rapid contact with Terra firma, the quarter falls out indicating terminal intoxication. Now this is where the details are a little fuzzy. I was unable to learn if the indication is the sudden absence of the coin or the sound of the quarter hitting the ground. Or if the wearer has reached this level of intoxication, how are they supposed to hear or notice the quarter? And if you only have a quarter in one ear, what happens when you fall on the other side? Apparently this procedure was in the experimental phase and our researcher did not have the quantitative results at time of print.