fighting with your lover?

It was about midnight and the temperature was below freezing. The engine was busy, so the ladder and rescue get tapped for a motorcycle accident on the interstate. The posted speed limit is 65mph on this highway. On the way we were discussing who would be out riding in this weather and that something wasn't right with the dispatch. As we approach we find a young female patient lying on the side of the freeway. She is dressed for party time (light half shirt and stretch pants), not motorcycle riding. Upon arrival our brothers in blue confirm no motorcycle accident, the patient "fell" out of a car. Quick look for injuries reveals nothing obvious with the exception of road rash from her chin to her knees. So we are packaging our patient for transport, and we get the story: she had been drinking(duh) and fighting with her boyfriend when she jumped out of the car to show him. I asked what she was showing him but she did not answer. So I start asking rapid fire pertinent questions to assess her level of consciousness i.e. address, phone number, where she was, birthday,etc. I then ask her what's her boyfriend's name. She says she doesn't want to answer. I ask why and she replies she doesn't want him to get into trouble. To which I reply: Why? It's not his fault you jumped out of his car.

Smokers, gotta love em!

My rescue company was on a call with the private ambulance at a convenience store in a near by district. The call was entertaining enough with a drunk patient who could not get their head around how they ended up on the floor. When one of our frequent flyers walks by (without making eye contact). She is well known to ems providers in the neighborhood for shortness of breath calls. She also has a laundry lists of medical problems mostly related to smoking. Today while shopping, she is carrying a medium sized oxygen cylinder (not designed to be a portable) and a oxygen concentrator. She has a nasal cannula in her nose and a nebulizer in her mouth. The neb is completely empty of any albuterol,saline or any other medication. The clincher? She is bying cigarettes! (inner dialogue) So about what time will you be calling for shortness of breath?

If your erection lasts more than 4 hours.....

Where I work we have a heavy rescue squad that is equipped with all the heavy rescue tools you can think of. Second in line for heavy rescue is our ladder companies. A couple of these units together are capable of some extreme rescues. They were called to the Level 1 trauma center the other day for a man who was being flown in from a nearby town. Apparently this individual thought it was a good idea to use a heavy duty commercial grade bearing race as a cockring. Once the desired affect was achieved it was realized that removal was impossible. I am sure this individual waited a good long time before seeking medical attention. This was possibly occuring since the night before. Small town hospital called for an air ambulance after the small town ER ring cutters didn't make a scratch. Our crews were called to the trauma center after additional failed attempts with manual ring cutters. Hydraulic cutters were not an option, (ouch) so last the FD heard the pt was being prepped for a manual drainage (syringes) procedure that will likely result in scar tissue and varying degrees of dysfunction. Poor bastard.

How do you know when you have had too much to drink?

So we met one of our local "urban outdoors men" the other night at a very convenient 2am. Our outdoors man was found to be under the influence of alcohol. I was surprised as well. Being the consummate professionals that we are, we initiate a thorough assessment. And as we are performing a mostly rhetorical interview with our pt, we notice there is a quarter in his right ear. So I ask our patient if he knows that there is a quarter in his ear. I assumed this was an appropriate question for this gentleman. He opens his eyes and looks at me like I have second head. He slurs at me the quarter is to indicate when he has had too much to drink. Obviously being new to this procedure I ask for more information and he was nice enough to enlighten us. The quarter in the ear remains until the wearer's gait becomes so unsteady or rapid contact with Terra firma, the quarter falls out indicating terminal intoxication. Now this is where the details are a little fuzzy. I was unable to learn if the indication is the sudden absence of the coin or the sound of the quarter hitting the ground. Or if the wearer has reached this level of intoxication, how are they supposed to hear or notice the quarter? And if you only have a quarter in one ear, what happens when you fall on the other side? Apparently this procedure was in the experimental phase and our researcher did not have the quantitative results at time of print.

Halloween 2009

So at about 230 in the morning last night during the full moon, we get dispatched to a motor vehicle accident. As we approach we find 2 trucks with severe damage from an apparent high speed head on collision. We arrive and make our way over to the truck with the most damage and find a female driver with a broken femur unconscious behind the wheel. The engine crew is talking to a beligerent guy from the other vehicle. We extricate the female patient from her truck. She goes with the first ambulance to the truama center. As the engine backboards the male driver, he goes unconscious. So he obviously also goes to the local trauma center. As we pick up the scene we notice a few odd items in the street. The first arriving private ambulance has left all their backboard, airway and oxygen equipment on scene. The police officers are talking about both drivers are likely drunk drivers. (Which is unique that they hit eachother instead an innocent family)And the last item strangely noticable in the middle of the scene? A squished dead black cat that was involved in the collision. Halloween, full moon and a black cat? You just can't make this up.

Ah thats better!

So after a dry spell the ghetto once again delivers a story worthy of the blog. Sometime in the middle of the night (maybe 2 am) last night we get a call for a woman complaining of abdominal pain. We arrive at an apartment building and before my partner can park the truck, there is a woman walking up to the truck. She also has her 7 yo daughter in tow. The woman is our patient and as I open the door she asks if she can go to the hospital. I ask why and she just repeats herself. When pressed futher, she advises us she doesn't want to talk about it. Strange.Ok, I am thinking what am I supposed to tell the ambulance and what are they supposed to tell the ER???She notices the transport ambulance arriving, she hops out of the rescue, asks if her daughter can remain with us for minute. I cautiously agree and watch as she makes tracks into the ambulance and closes the door. Stranger by the min. The ambulance medic returns and says the daughter can join her mom in the ambulance. Once the kid is gone he tells us the story: Apparently mom was enjoying some "self satisfaction" time with a sharp object(?) and cut herself (suprise). The injury apparently resulted in some moderate bleeding. That should be an intersting conversation when the daughter (hopefully later in life) asks about the time they had to go to the ER in the middle of the night.

uneventful in the ghetto

The Ghetto has not been providing many humorous stories lately, so here's a regular ems story:
Last week as I arrived to work and before my first cup of coffee, we got sent to a active labor call. NOT a favorite of mine. I am hip to the miracle of birth aspect but its still messy and gross. When we arrived, mom had already given birth to a very small baby boy right on the carpet. Nobody in the house spoke English and worse nobody was doing anything for mom or baby. Estimated gestation 30 weeks. He was less than 2 lbs, very blue and we gave him an APGAR of 2. Someone had tried to clamp the cord with a piece of plastic shopping bag for some reason. Some quick BLS and rapid transport to a NICU facility appears to have had a good outcome for baby boy. We arrived with a pink oxygenated little guy who appeared to have no ill effects APGAR 7. Its been a week now and last I heard he is still doing well. coincidentally the ambulance medic was working one last shift before she went on maternity leave. So she was very glad to see our little guy did so well.